GAME 8: READ THIS IF YOU GOT TOO DRUNK TO WATCH THE GAME

by desert dawg

There are benchmark games throughout the season. Must win games for both teams. I don’t usually detail a game in my blog, but this is a big one for us. So, let’s see what happens, sports fans.

Now, just read the chat boards. Edmonton fans hate Vancouver Fans with a vitriol that may only be surpassed by their hatred for Calgary Flame fans. So it’s only suitable that the game begins as a tribute to the number seven…now preserved forever as the number representing the seventh man on the Canucks.

The fan.

Smart marketing ploy, Mike. No fans, no game. Yep, we are all Canucks. A way to make us feel like we all belong. Or a clever way to spread the blame. I suspect Oil fans around the world are collectively rolling their eyes.
Raymond scores early on Garon on a shot that has Edmonton fans calling in vain for Rollie the goalie. Shortly after, Stotinini gives Hordichuk a piece of his mind …hopefully not the part that is responsible for doing long division. Hordichuk, having high self esteem, declines the offer of a hug.
Hemsky skates through the entire Canuck team and and finishes brilliantly by passing the puck to the boards he was aiming at. Then MacIntyre cheap shots Ohlund and Davison mans-up to object . Big Mac offers Davison a quick lesson and Rob strains his neck looking up at him. Quickly analyzing the situation, Rob falls to the ice. With Big Mac in the penalty box Ohly levels one of the Oiler cream puffs. Stortini stands up at the bench and threatens to hug the big Swede. Undaunted, Ohly pulls Moreau, the fragile Oiler Cappy, into a lazy penalty.

Ohly, still flustered by Stortini’s offer to hug, misses the net on two beauty set-ups, and our PP has less pressure than a night-shift at Mickey Ds. A lazy trip by Willie M. and the Oil draw their own PP. Strong push by the Oil, with their D firing darts wide of the net, and we dodge a bullet.
We dodge a bullet. Yeah, that’s me. I’m number seven out there.

Turns out, the Oilers don’t score on the PP while I’m pointing the remote at the TV, so I’m pointing the remote at the screen for the rest of the game.
Moreau discovers a clever way to avoid injury by continually taking stupid penalties and watching the big boys play from the safety of the shame box. Ohlund makes a plea to enlarge the nets by continually missing from the point. Garon makes up for the Raymond goal by stifling a nifty move by Wellwood and the period, comes to an end.

Edmonton opens the second with Grebs putting an early one by big Lou on a fancy pass by Nillson. Lazy back check by Bernier. Canuck fans fasten the razor blades to their wrists. MacT must have given them quite a tongue-lashing as they make the Canucks look like a pee wee team on acid. The colours man, look at the colours.

Put number seven out there, coach.

Big Lou gives Pouliot (isn’t that like, French for chicken soup?) a glimpse and then takes it back with a great pad save. No goal for you! A couple of minutes later and Garon returns the favour when he robs the great Dane on a two on one. But Hansen is looking better with each game. The Oil respond by getting over-excited and start giving the puck away on a level more consistent with their recent play. Sedin/Bernier two on one. FAIL!
MacT passes out the no-doze and the Oil get a couple of chances close-in but Lou looks large. Hordichuk eats some composite stick and Souray goes for a much deserved time-out. It’s the 24-hour all-Sedin channel and the Oil cannot clear the zone even once and Raymond makes them pay with his second of the game. Gord Kerster, has another sip of his rum & coke and smiles. Then the great Dane, jealous of the attention Raymond’s getting almost immediately pots another quick one (2 goals in 55 seconds) and MacT lets loose a stream of urine. Unfortunately, he is still at the bench. Ohly, decides to teach Cole a lesson and makes Eric Cole his prison bunkie . Wow, didn’t see that coming. MacT responds by pooping.

Still standing at the bench.

Matty gets the extra two for instigating. That’s right…INSTIGA-SHE-OAN. Conventional wisdom dictates that this kind of penalty is easier to kill and the Canuck PK stands up for Matty on this one. But it is clear the Oil are out-hitting us.

And suddenly, Bobert Nilsson snipes a long one past a snoozing big Lou. Fourth line statement by both teams follows, but no one says anything. Coach V doesn’t play fair and sneaks Raymond back out leading to an actual scoring chance.

But the Oilers respond to the seige by heading up ice on five on two and noted sniper Steve Staios scores his first of the year. Huddy passes MacT the medicated handi-wipes as the Oil climb out of their holes.

Put number seven out there coach V.

Sam Gagner, perhaps the best shoot out man on the Oil, pulls a penalty shot. Still looking for his first goal of the year, he skates in hard on the Canuck net and…

FAIL!

Big Lou acts like he’s been there before. Kesler and Burrows pass out the heart medication but come up short in the final minute of period two.
Yep, 3-3.

Third period starts with Horcoff getting his name on the stat sheet. Good thing, cause I didn’t realize he was playing tonight. Our PP starts flatter than a rascal. Finally Ohly the goon hits the net (and Garon’s glove) with 30 seconds left in the penalty. But then Wellwood shows nerves of steal and calmly shoots the puck to the back of the net. Make all the Jenny Craig jokes you want, this kid has hands. PP scores with 3 ticks left on the penalty clock. Three for five tonight. Yikes. Then Pyatt pulls a Horcoff and finally shows up in the third to take a goaltender interference penalty. Burrows spends most of the penalty getting under the Oilskin and forces Garon to make the best save of the two minute PK.

Daniel Sedin boots the puck around again and may need the defribulator to get his heart going. But then the great Dane shows his jealous streak again and matches Raymond’s output tonight on a beauty goal. The kids can play! Of course, theOil fans will be screaming at the refs about Burrows in front of Garon (C’mon man, two minutes for…for…being a pain in the arse!). Three minutes later Moreau gives Burrows a piece of his mind for hitting Bobert Nilsson. Must have been a small piece as Burrows laughs it off and asking him “Who’s your Daddy?”

Problem at the Oiler bench. Oilers complaining about fans throwing things. Fans in response, complain about odor emanating from MacT’s pants. Finger pointing ensues and two number sevens are escorted from the Garage.


Two years ago, a two goal lead with five minutes remaining was an automatic two points. But this is the new Canucks. We shoot more and we score more but we sometimes give it up quicker than John McCain in the Hanoi Hilton. But the Oil, in their enthusiasm get stupid with Cogliano’s slash giving their fans the usual reasons to complain about the officiating. It’s actually written into the Edmonton City Mission Statement…”The Refs robbed us!

But this is the new Canucks. The PP explodes with a cute give and go between Krog and Bieksa leads to Krog’s first as a Canuck and it puts a bullet into the heart of Oil Country. Three stars seems a lock for Raymond, Hansen and good old number seven.

MacT sends out MacIntyre and Zack Huggatini to take out noted brawlers Kesler and Burrows. Small broughaha ensues but it’s just to talk about how brutal the stock market’s been since Sarah Palin said it was all in God’s hands. Refs ban Willie and MacIntyre and we finish the game four on four. A rare three goal period to make a really rare six goal out put. Like cheese wiz through a straw, this game seems so simple some times. I finally stop pointing the remote control at the TV and send this in.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s