After awhile, you get tired of the Toronto Maple Leafs jokes. The following were sent to me – in Thailand – from someone in Ottawa:
Q. What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs?
A. The Toronto Maple Leafs
Q. What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell ‘Jesus Christ’.
Q. How do you keep the Toronto Maple Leafs out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal net.
Q. What do you call a Toronto Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?
A. A thief.
Q. How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup?
A. Nobody knows and we may never find out.
Q. What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
We decided to locate where these attempts at humour came from and next located Pittsburgh Steelers jokes:
Q. What’s the difference between the Steelers and the Taliban?
A. The Taliban has a running game.
Q. Where do you go in Pittsburgh in case of a tornado?
A. Heinz Field – they never get a touchdown there.
Q. Why doesn’t Johnstown have a professional football team?
A. Because then Pittsburgh would want one.
Q. Why was Bill Cowher upset when the Steeler playbook was stolen?
A. Because he hadn’t finished coloring it.
Q. What’s the difference between the Steelers and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q. How can you tell when the Steelers are going to run the football?
A. Kordell leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes.
Some of the Steelers’ jokes were the same as the Leafs, as were some of the 49ers quips:
Q. How do the 49ers count to 12?
A. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10, 0-11, 0-12.
Q. Knock knock
A. Oh an’ 10.
Q: What does the 49ers offense and Hilary Clinton have in common?
A: A long future with either one makes me want to jump off the Golden Gate.
Q: What does the 49ers offensive line and the Maginot line have in common?
Then there were the UNLV jokes:
Q. Did you hear that UNLV is replacing the Field Turf in their stadium with cardboard?
A. They did it because the team looks better on paper.
Q. Why doesn’t the Rebel football team have its own website?
A. Because they can’t put 3 W’s together.
Q. What do you get when you cross a Rebel with a groundhog?
A. Six more weeks of bad football.
Q. What can UNLV do to prevent a Nevada win?
A. Wait until next year!
Q. Did you hear Coach Sanford is only dressing 10 players for the Rebels’ game against Nevada?
A. The rest of the team will have to get dressed by themselves.
Q. What’s the difference between Mike Sanford and God?
A. God doesn’t think he’s Mike Sanford.
Q. Why was the UNLV football team late for their last game in Reno?
A. Every time their bus passed a sign that said “Clean Restrooms,” they did.
Q. How do you get a Rebel off your front porch?
A. Pay them for the pizza.
Q. How many UNLV freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None — that’s a sophomore course.
Q. What do they call a crime ring in Las Vegas?
A. A huddle
Q. What does a tornado have in common with a UNLV cheerleader?
A. Eventually they’ll both end up in a trailer park somewhere.